seen & unseen

 2 years ago

Motherhood was made

concealed

intangible

supernatural

2 years ago

I encountered what only mothers can experience 

the agonizing loss occurred in my own body

a death passed through me

2 years ago

my motherhood became unnoticed to the world around me

my loss could only be revealed by explicitly stating it

it was not observed nor felt subsequently

2 years ago

I believed motherhood was robbed from me

given and taken away abruptly

as if motherhood was a transactional identity

but today

I know the pain, the loss, & the memories I hold can only be held by a mother

today

I remember the prayer I offered after the pregnancy test: one of gratitude & fear

I remember the joy of telling your dad we were expecting

I remember dreaming of names & nursery colors

I remember planning budgets & timelines around your due date

I remember being brought to tears the first moment I realized my sisters would become aunts, my parents grandparents

I remember being held by your father the night we lost you

I remember the complete care and love your father provided in the months following your departure

today 

I grieve over your absence but honor you

in celebrating the motherhood I have

although concealed, intangible, and supernatural

it is real. 

Praise be to God.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18